Expectations everywhere

I don't know why - it happens every year. BUT - it always surprises me how quickly Valentine’s Day seems to arrive after Christmas.

One minute it's December — there may be plans, expectations or pressure to buy presents, food, family commitments, thoughts about finances, pressure to make things feel special — and before we’ve really had time to catch our breath, the shops and social media are full of hearts and reminders about romance and grand gestures.

And with it can come another layer of expectations.

Expectations about relationships. About happiness. About what our lives or partnerships are supposed to look like.

The pressure to feel a certain way

For some people, Valentine’s Day is something they enjoy and look forward to. But for many others, it can bring up pressure or disappointment.

Maybe you’re in a relationship that doesn’t feel as easy as it looks from the outside. Maybe you’re single and tired of being reminded of it. Maybe you’ve experienced loss, separation, or loneliness. Or maybe you’re simply exhausted after Christmas and not ready for another emotionally loaded occasion.

There can be an unspoken message that we’re meant to feel romantic, grateful, loved, or happy on cue.

And life rarely works like that.

Expectations we carry

Often the pressure doesn’t only come from outside. We carry expectations about ourselves too.

That we should be happy. That our relationships should look a certain way. That we should have things figured out by now.

And when reality doesn’t match those expectations, it can leave us feeling flat or questioning ourselves.

Giving ourselves a bit of room

Sometimes it can help to step back and notice which expectations are actually ours, and which ones we’ve picked up along the way.

And to remember that relationships — with partners, friends, family, and ourselves — don’t need to look a certain way to be meaningful.

For some, Valentine’s Day will be about celebration. For others, it might simply be another ordinary day. For some, it may be a day they wish to forget. And all these views are valid.

If this time of year brings mixed feelings, you’re probably not alone in that.

Sometimes the kindest thing we can do is lower the pressure a little and allow things to be what they are, rather than what we think they’re meant to be.

Take care,

Katie